The Duel
by Justanotherff
Summary: The duel from Burrs and then Hamiltons perspective. Character Death. Please R&R
1. Burr

The duel from Burrs perspective. Character Death

 **Hello.  
This is my first story ever. English is not my native language so please be sure to point out any mistakes you see.  
I thought about writing a chapter from Hamilton's perspective. So let me know what you think.  
Rating T for blood. No slash.  
Characters are not mine, they belong to Lin-Manuel Miranda or … history. Whatever your perspective.  
Hope you enjoy and don't forget to write a review. **

•

I walk on to the site. The sun had already been up for an hour or so, but the land before me still seems gloomy. It is completely quiet, not even a bit of wind. Hamilton isn't there yet. I clench my fist.

"Is he going to come?", I mutter bitterly. This thought had lingered in the back of my mind the whole ride over the Hudson. 'Is he going to come? Will this duel even happen? I almost hope…', but then I feel the rage again. What this man did to me. He stands between me and what I always wanted. I want to kill him, but…

"Sure he is!", Van Ness comes up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I almost flinch. For a moment I had forgotten, that I wasn't alone, that I had a party with me, for the duel…  
"He is too proud to not show." He walks on to the doctor, who checks the contents of his bag. I will not need the doctor though. I will kill Hamilton before he can pull the trigger. This can only end with one of us leaving alive. It was long overdue.

I joint Van Ness, who has now started to inspect the guns. When he looks at me I see worry. Is it that obvious how nervous I am?  
"Look, everything is going to be fine.", he says reassuringly. "We might settle before even loading the guns. It is perfectly honourable to talk things out and…"  
"No", I interrupt him. "Not with him. He and I have talked enough. I will kill him.". On his face I see a quick expression of shock at my harshness, but then he nods in grim understanding.

I know he doesn't approve. He still hopes this will end with Hamilton and I going off to a bar and getting a few drinks together, talking it out. Like back in the day.  
I think of how ridiculous it was. Him and me meeting in a bar, Hamilton only 19 years old and so eager to prove himself. Us being friends. It seems like lifetimes ago.

The noise of footsteps from behind the treeline brings me back to reality. I turn and see people approaching the site. For the blink of an eye I think they are authorities, coming to stop us from duelling, but then I see _him_.

Hamilton steps into the light, takes a quick look at his surroundings and then our eyes meet. I expected to feel hatred or fury for what this man, standing just a few yards away, had done to me. I expected that all the reasons why I called him here would flash before my eyes. How because of him I lost the presidency. But for a moment I just feel desperate because he showed up, because this means _this_ is happening, because I don't want…

But then Van Ness says loudly: "Let's get started then" and the moment is over. It seems Hamilton was also in a daze, but he recovers faster than I do.

"Alright let's set the positions", he says calmly and then turns around to his second, Judge Nathaniel Pendleton.

Now I feel the fury rip through my body. It was his voice, no the calmness in the so familiar voice. Does he even care? Does he even care what he did to me? Why we are here? No, apparently he can't wait to get started. Not a moment's hesitation. I feel stupid about even thinking he might also … No this settles it. It can only end in blood.

Pendleton has already approached Van Ness, when I finally start moving. One more glance at Hamilton tells me that he is watching me with a blank expression on his face.

In less than two minutes the positions are set. Ten paces apart. After Pendleton has won both lots for choosing the position and for giving the permission to fire, he leads Hamilton to the spot overlooking the city and the river. It doesn't matter. I won't allow Hamilton to take away yet another victory.

Now Pendleton and Van Ness should try and come to terms whether this duel is necessary. But I know Hamilton won't apologise. And I certainly won't back down. Not after he made his position to our 'dispute' so clear. He doesn't even care. This won't take long. It should start soon.

After only a few moments the men separate and head straight for the guns. 'Good', I think. No more delays. I run my numb fingers through my hair, smoothing it back. Van Ness hands me my gun and the powder. I haven't loaded a gun since the war. The memory of the gunfire the blood and the agony makes me sick, but I remind myself this isn't war. Only one person will suffer today. Only one person will get what they deserve.

I am ready faster than Hamilton. He fumbles at the trigger and mutters something to Pendleton. Why is he taking so long? Let's get this over with, before the courage and the anger might leave me.  
Finally, he faces me. He aims at the ground for a moment, probably to test the weight and the handle of the gun. I bet he, just like me, hasn't held a weapon in years. He turns around once more and the doctor gives him his glasses.  
I can't believe it. He really is taking deadly aim. Why else the glasses? A new wave of anger and determination fills me. And maybe a bit of disappointment or sadness? No, I knew where this is heading. I know Hamilton wants to kill me, right? I know his opinion of me, I heard enough rumours. He even admitted it himself. It will end right now.

The parties distance themselves from us. In the corner of my eye I see them turn around. It is a common practice so they can't testify. Duelling is illegal after all. Like this they will not be prosecuted. But I am glad not only for their sakes. I am glad, because this also means it is Hamilton and me alone.

For the second time this morning I look Hamilton directly in the eyes. I want to see what he thinks. I want to see the determination and the anger, so I can really call this my victory over him. I want to see that he wants to kill me too.

But I don't see it. He has small beads of sweat on his forehead and seems to fight with himself. Uncertainty is what I see and fear? Does he know he can't win against me? I feel the slightest doubt creep up to me. No, I can't let this happen right now I need to be determined. I am here because this man has ruined everything I ever dreamed of. He took away my future so I will take his. He destroys my reputation more and more every day he draws breath. What do people think of me because of him? What does my family think? Theodosia? My Theodosia.  
And it hits me. I might never see her again. If _he_ wins Theodosia will grow up without a father. It feels like fire has entered my veins. I know what I have to do. For my family I cannot let you win.

"Are you ready?", Pendleton calls, without turning around.

"Yes!", I call determined.

"Yes.", I hear Hamilton say in a tensed tone. Fearful? Anticipated? Calculating? I'm not sure…

"On the count of ten. One, two, three, four …" It is happening. No turning back. Focus!  
I take a deep breath. Two hands on the gun, because I worry they might shake and make me miss. I stare at Hamilton who only has one hand on his gun. I can't see if it is shaking.

"…five, six, seven…" I slowly raise my gun, not yet locking it on my mark. Hamilton does the same, only faster? My mind is clouded. But I see now my hands are calm, so I let my left arm let go of the gun.

"… eight, nine, …" My breath is going faster. I feel my heartbeat in every muscle of my body. My lips are tingling and a ringing is starting in my ears. Fear overcomes me. What if I can't hear the command?

"…Ten. Fire!"

My aim is directly at Hamilton's torso. I feel cold. I pull down the trigger, just as I see movement before me. Time is irrelevant. Is it a second? A month? A Year? I couldn't tell. I saw Hamilton's gun aimed at me, I'm sure. I heard a gunshot. But where is the pain? And why is Hamilton's arm pointing at the sky. Smoke coming from the barrel. He didn't shoot me. He aimed at the sky. He never wanted to kill me. He didn't shoot me.

"WAIT!"

Wait. Wait. Wait!  
I can't shoot. Please don't let me shoot. I can't hear the shot, but I feel the bullet leave my gun.  
He doesn't want to kill me. I read it all wrong. He didn't really expect me to shoot at him. Why why why did he wear the glasses? If he didn't … I might …

I see the shock in his face. The bullet enters somewhere in his abdomen. And then he just falls. Like a puppet who's the stings are cut. I feel my heart sink. My body goes numb. There is no more fire left in me.

Alexander crumbles to the ground and suddenly time starts moving again. He groans in pain and his hands moves to his side. I see blood pour through his fingers, tainting his jacket dark. Drops of scarlet flying to the ground. No!

This can't be happening. I stumble a few steps forward. The gun long forgotten slips through my cold fingers. My hand reaches out. I need to speak with him. I need to go to Alexander, tell him …

The doctor rushes to his side. Immediately pressing down to the wound. Alexanders cries out and his hand falls to the side, covered in blood. The stain on his jacket growing larger. I need to tell him … Why are ten paces so long?

Someone grabs my arm. Van Ness. His eyes wide in shock. He tries to pull me back.

"William, I … He…", I stutter.

"What are you doing? We need to get out of here. NOW!". His stare tells me it's urgent. But Alexander is dying, because of me, what is more urgent than that.

"I need to go to … tell him I'm …", I am lost for words. Van Ness pulls harder, but I won't move. I turn back to Alexander behind me. He isn't moving. His face is white as a sheet and his eyes closed. _Please don't be dead. Please…_ The doctor gently touches his face, leaving fresh blood traces on his cheek. It looks like red paint on canvas.

I feel sick. I have lost to many people I can't lose another one. Another Friend.  
 _Please don't be dead._

At the touch Alexander opens his eyes. Relive fills every cell of my body and I can finally breathe again. Then I can see his lips moving.

"This is a mortal wound doctor", Alexander barely whispers, and my heart stops. No. How can he say that? He can't give up. I need to be able to fix my mistakes. All my life I've been waiting. Why not today? Why?

"Burr we need to GO!", Van Ness pulls at my arm again. "They are going to arrest you."

"I…". _I don't care? I deserve it?_ Nothing seems to express his feelings at all. But now Van Ness stands in front of me blocking my way and pushing me back. I don't have the strength to fight back anymore. I stumble backwards.  
He leads me away from the scene. When I look back, I can't see Alexander anymore, because too many people are surrounding him. _Please don't die. You cannot die._

Once we reach the Hudson, my mind clears. The smoke from the shots and the smell of blood had made it impossible to think, I realise. And Alexanders muffled cries…

"I need a drink", I say. Van Ness nods and gets in the boat.

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Once we are back in New York I go to the next bar and start drinking without intending to stop. No one knows me here. Knows the Vice President. Well Ex Vice President after today. It won't take long till they will make me resign. But I don't care. Not today.

Van Ness leaves after an hour or so to go get some news. But he doesn't come back. Or I don't remember him coming back.

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When I wake up in a Hotel Room I have no Idea what time it is. For a blissful few seconds I don't remember.

And then it full weight of the events hit me. I shot him. He crumbled to the ground. There was blood everywhere. But he is still alive, he must be. I didn't kill him. He was still breathing. He cannot … I need to know how he is.

I get up and realise I still wear the dark coat, which I wore _then_. And it still smells like gunpowder. I throw it of me like it bit me and stare at it with disgust. _What was I thinking?_

I open the door to leave to room and almost run Van Ness over, who was just about to open the door with a secondary key. So he got me here. In the back of my head I feel grateful, but there are more important issues right now.

"How is he? Where is he? Can I see him?", I demand of him. Van Ness silently shoves me to the side, enters the room and sits down on one of the chairs I hadn't noticed before.

"Sit down.", he says quietly. A fear builds up in me, but I'm not yet ready to comprehend so I try not to think about it and sit down.

"Alexander Hamilton died today in the presence of his family.", he says with sadness in his voice. My heart stops.

"No.", I say. I know by his tone that it is true, but I can't believe it. The understanding I almost had comes crushing in. "No. He was alive. You saw him. When we left he was alive!", I yell the last words.

"His wounds were too severe."

I stare at him in disbelieve. No, he is lying. It can't be true. He was alive when I left. He was alive. And now …

"Aaron, there is the matter of you being his murderer and the authorities are looki…" – "Get out.", I whisper.  
"You need to think about …" – "GET OUT!", I scream.

I grab him by his shirt and push him through the door. Without looking at him I push the door shut. I know I need to apologize for it later, but right now I can't think.

He can't be dead. He was alive when I left. I didn't kill him. I didn't mean to… I… He was alive. I saw him talk. He …

 _He was alive._


	2. Hamilton

Chapter 2 – Hamilton

 **Sorry for the long wait! Second Chapter. Now Hamilton's view. Again, I did "borrow" some words from the musical, but I didn't want it to be an exact copy. So basically, I'm just apologising, that my words probably won't be as good as Lin's.  
Thank you for the reviews! They really made my day ****  
Hope you enjoy.**

 **•**

I step of the boat on the sandy shore. New Jersey, Weehawken. Only three years ago Phillip might have landed on the same spot where I am standing. This thought sends shivers down my spine. Has he been as scared as I am? What would he think of me? Am I doing the same mistake he has done? No, Burr doesn't want to kill me. He wants to prove a point and I will collaborate and then this whole ordeal will be behind us.

Judge Pendleton takes the guns and follows Dr. Hosack, who is already walking towards the trees.

"We have landed a bit south of the duelling grounds. I suggest we walk the remaining bit.", the doctor assess the situation.

"Agreed.", I say. I don't want to get back in the boat. I might change my mind then and make the man row us back to New York.

So we make our way through the trees. Both men are in front of me, leading the way. I stare at my feet. My boots are getting wet from the dew droplets. Eliza got me those boots.

"I don't intend to shoot him.", I say to no one in particular.

"No one will shoot each other.", Pendleton replies, stopping to face me, "You are both going to shoot in the air. Burr doesn't want to kill you.". I hear the slightest uncertainty in his voice, but he quickly adds: "And when has someone last been killed in a duel. That is not the point of …", he breaks off as he sees the look I give him. One second later he realises.

"Oh, I mean … Phillip was …", he breaks off again. The name gives me a little sting, but I just keep walking. When I pass Pendleton, he says: "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.". I nod. Of course not. It has after all already been three years. Easy to forget …

"Burr wants to restore his honour and I can understand it.", I say, determined not to let them see that Phillips memory still upsets me like that. "Like this we can finally bring this disagreement to an end.". I feel Pendleton's stare behind my back, but he doesn't say anything.

Not for the first time I wonder what will happen after the duel? Burr lost the presidency, because of his lack of opinion. Is this going to change now? He gives me the blame, but he has to understand, that he is his own worst enemy. Always keeping his thoughts to himself. That's not how a president should act. After the duel he will be able to listen sensibly to me again. With the duel no one will lose his face, but the matter will be resolved. There can be peace again. Even if I don't expect it to last for more than a week. Maybe even friendship again.

"We're here", Dr. Hosack breaks the silence.

I step out to the clearing and see that Burr's party has already arrived. His second William Van Ness is already measuring the duelling grounds and his doctor is checking his equipment. This surprises me. Does he think he will need medical equipment? A lot of times the duellists don't even shoot. They just show up and that's enough. Alright fair enough I don't think Burr and I will come to an agreement, but we won't shoot at each other. This is only to show we stand by our principles, that we both have our opinions. Well maybe the doctor is just a gentleman, who wants to do everything properly. It would suit Aaron to choose such a candidate. Still it does make me rather nervous.

Right next to him is Burr, staring at me.  
What is he thinking? I can barely make out his face, but from what I can see, he seems disappointed? Did he not expect me? Did he think I wouldn't come? I can't believe Burr, my first friend in this country, would miscalculate me like that. When have I ever given the impression I wouldn't show up to a challenge? He can't think this low of me, can he? I was never the one waiting. But maybe I'm the one miscalculating … I know I said things about him, that I myself would never accept, if someone spoke them about me. Just like Phillip didn't accept …  
No, focus. I slightly shake my head. It's about Aaron and me. What does he intend to do? I study his face again. I can't see any indication of something drastic. Good, so this will go according to plan. I will be home before Eliza opens her eyes and I might even get some more sleep.  
But there is something on Aarons face. Maybe sadness? What does this mean?

"Let's get started then." Van Ness says from across the field. Right. I turn to look at him. Let's get this over with. The sooner we start, the sooner I'm back with Eliza.

"Alright let's set the positions", I say and I turn around to Pendleton, to tell him that I want the eastern position, if we get first pick. Pendleton agrees and makes his way over to Van Ness.

I shoot Burr another quick look. It seems he hasn't moved since my party arrived. Just as I look at him he springs into action, but what concerns me is the expression on his face. The one I feared earlier. The one that would change the game. The expression of pure, concentrated hate. Hate against me.

Panic builds up in me. No, no, no, this is not right. This expression cannot be read as "everything is going according to plan", this was the look I had seen in his soldiers eyes many years ago. It meant determination, it meant certainty and it meant the clear intention of killing.  
I don't understand. He was calm just a moment ago. What happened? Does he really intend to shoot me? I feel my hands shaking. This wouldn't settle anything. This would destroy his career, his name, his family. He cannot be this insulted. Does he really hate me this much? That he would kill me? That he would give up everything?

I need to see his face again. Maybe I was wrong. I only saw his face a second before he turned around.

Pendleton approaches me. He just won first position, but I hardly noticed. He leads me to one side of the duelling grounds. I see the city across the Hudson, my home. The place where I could make a difference, where I helped build this county, the place I almost lost my life for. It never seemed more beautiful than today. In the bright morning sun, ready for another day. Eliza…

Pendleton is already coming back from Van Ness. Negotiations failed. I knew it would happen, but after seeing Burr's face, it lets my heart sink. The Judge hands me my gun.

"Van Ness seemed pretty serious. You won't change your mind?", he speaks quietly with his back to Burrs party. I shake my head.

"I won't. There is a letter at my house in which I explain my intentions with this duel.", _I never thought I might have to use it_ , but I don't share that thought with Pendleton. It will only be read if I don't return home.

But no, it won't end like this today. I won't be killed. I can't do that to Eliza. Not after all I've already done to her. I am more focused now. I know my plan. If I throw away my shot, before Burr shoots, he won't have a choice, but to do the same.

Pendleton nods, points at the gun and says even more quietly: "I could set the hair-trigger". The Wogdon duelling pistol I use incorporated a hair-spring, with which it would be much easier to aim. Or in other words much easier to kill Burr. This confirms the growing concern the Judge has about this "friendly duel". He thinks it will end with one of us dead. But I know my plan. It has to work.

"Not this time.", I reply and the words sound much more certain, then I feel. I fumble at the trigger, to make sure it definitely isn't set and also to keep my hands moving. Maybe like this no one will see that I am shaking.

"Are you sure?", he presses on. There is fear in his tone, but I just nod and try to look reassuring. From the look he gives me I am doing a terrible job.

The gun feels heavier than in my memory. Were the guns we used in the war this different? Back then it felt like a longer arm, to defend oneself, to attack, to save ones live. Now it was the opposite. I am throwing away my shot. The gun wasn't to attack or defend, it was just useless and heavy. Did Phillip feel the same way? The dull pain shoots through my heart again. He never held a gun before his duel. He must have been so scared …  
I lift my arm a bit and aim at the ground. The familiarity of this action comes back. How many times have I aimed a gun at something, no at someone. Always with the intend of killing, but not today.

There is still hope. Maybe I just read Burr's expression wrong. The light is still gloomy, I tell myself. It would be an easy mistake to make. And with my eyesight ... I turn around.

"Would you hand me my glasses?", I ask the Doctor. As if he already expected it, he gives me my glasses immediately. "Good luck", he says, before stepping back and turning around. Is it time already? I start sweating. No turning back now.

I slowly face Aaron again and now I can finally see his face. My breath stops. No. There is no denying it now. There is only hatred in Aarons face. No sadness, no uncertainty, no reconciliation. Just pure fury and the will to kill me. I feel numb. Was this man ever my friend? Could the plan possibly work under these circumstances? It must! There is no other way now. I just have to shoot first, then he will come to his senses. He won't have a choice. It's my only chance.

"Are you ready?", Pendleton calls, from somewhere behind me.

"Yes!", I hear Aaron call determined. _The plan must work. It has to work._

"Yes.", I say, glad that my voice is still steady. _I just have to fire fist._

"On the count of ten. One, two, three, …" I feel a sense of calm fill me. It's too late to change my mind now. My hand is no longer shaking. _It will work. It has to work_.

"…four, five, six,…" I start to raise my gun. I will still fire it at the sky. Aaron has two hands on his gun. He wants to shoot me. My fingers are cold. _I just have to fire first!_

"…seven, eight, nine, …" I hold my breath. I will throw away my shot. Something I have never done before. I will do it. I have to. _He won't have a choice!_ Aaron only has one hand on his gun now. Is it working? My aim is already slightly above his head, can he see it? My heart is racing.

"…Ten. Fire!" I squeeze the trigger. My arm is extended straight towards the sky. I hardly hear the shot. I can only see Aaron Burr's gun pointed straight at me. And a bullet leaving it's barrel.

"WAIT!"

I have miscalculated. Aaron is shooting me and there is nothing I can do. This is the day I die?  
I thought I would die in my mother's arms, when I nine. She died, but I didn't.  
A hurricane, the greatest and most terrible force I ever saw, killed almost everyone on my island, but not me.  
I fought in the war, where thousands were killed, but I wasn't.  
And now is the time? Aaron Burr is the reason of my death? My first friend, my enemy? Always passive, always waiting. Never letting anyone know what you think.  
Not today.  
I am the first reason you really act upon. I have to admit that was my ambition. I always wanted you to act. I wanted you to stop waiting. I didn't want this. I don't want my life to end today.  
If my life ends today, then so does my chance to make a difference. Is my time up? Have I done enough? I could have done so much more. Will they remember me?  
Eliza will remember me.. Eliza. Will I only leave the letter I so hastily wrote just hours ago? I should have explained so much more, I should have written something better, something that might make my death easier for you.  
My time is up. Eliza…  
Raise a glass to freedom.

I feel pain erupting from my stomach. All the air has been knocked out of my lungs. My free hand automatically reaches for my side and I feel my knees give in. As I crumble to the ground I can see Aaron's face in utter shock and pale like a ghost. It seems like he is standing miles away.

Lying on my back, I try to catch my breath, try to inhale, try anything, but It hurts so much I only manage a miserable choke. My hand finally touches my side. It feels warm and sticky and as I look down I see that it is covered in blood. Panic fills my stomach.

Suddenly Doctor Hosack appears to my right, almost sliding when he dropped to his knees. He shouts something, but I can't seem to understand. It sounds like a distant murmur. His hands press down on my wound to slow the bleeding and the pain becomes unbearable. I can't hold back a cry and my vision suddenly darkens. _No!_ I try to hold on to consciousness, but the darkness swallows my pain and so I let go.

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The next few hours are a blur. I remember waking up on the small boat. They were taking me back. I remember worried faces looking down on me. I remember being brought into a familiar house. _Please not home! Eliza can't see …_ Everything was a blur, was unimportant, until …

Eliza enters the room. I fear her anger, her fury at my betrayal, but when she sees me there are tears running down her face. She comes closer, lowers herself next to the bed and takes my hand.

Her warm hand feels like it's bringing life itself into my body. I try to sit up, but she presses me back into the pillow.

"Save your strength, you will need it to recover.", she says softly. Her voice is so warm and gentle, but I know my Eliza and I can hear the sadness, that she tries to cover. She knows I won't make it, but she is strong and tries to comfort me. It hits me. This is worse than anger. I cause her pain. Again. I swore I would never cause her pain again and here we are.

"I love you", I choke. It costs me all my energy to speak, my side is throbbing with pain, but I need her to know. I need her to hear it one last time and I try to put all my feelings into those words, all my regrets and all my admiration for her strength.

Eliza just looks at me for a moment and I hope she understands. Then she leans forward and kisses me tenderly. _If this is how I die then the world is yet good._

I feel tears dripping on my face and realize they're Eliza's. Our lips part. I open my eyes again and see her face. She is crying, but she is also smiling. I squeeze her hand.

Then I hear a quit sob and realize Angelica entered the room as well. She doesn't speak, but eventually she comes over and takes my other hand. I think she doesn't want me to hear her voice break, she wants to be strong for me too.

Eliza softly speaks to me, but I can't understand her anymore. I see a light growing in the distance. I can hear familiar voices. It is all right.


End file.
